Level up Your Game — BY Exploring Your “Shadow Side”
Alright y’all… we’re getting a little deeper here than previous posts but stick with me. I think you’ll find it useful.
We all have parts of ourselves - our shadow selves - that we hide from the world, and sometimes even ourselves. These are the parts that we’re deeply insecure about and as a result, find creative ways to mask: the perfectionist athlete who never goes all in when trying a new technique or skill out of fear of failing; the apathetic athlete who pretends they don’t care out of fear of not measuring up; the “tough” athlete who pretends they never struggle out of fear they may be seen as weak or like they can’t hack it; the ego-centric athlete who fears they may not actually be valued if they don’t keep the spotlight on them; the rage-filled athlete who fears that without their anger their deep-seated shame and fear may be revealed. You get it. The variety of masks we put on can be endless. And while these mechanisms of keeping our insecurities in the shadows protects us moment-to-moment from rejection, failure, and judgment, they begin to wear down our resilience, perpetuate anxiety, and ultimately hinder our performance.
Still not sure if this resonates with you? Consider some common signs in performance that you’re masking your shadow self:
you’re streaky or inconsistent
you’re motivated by fear of failing as much, if not more than, achieving a goal
you’re consistently not performing to your potential
you’re resistant to critical feedback
you’re disconnected from your team or those you care about
you make reactive or impulsive mistakes in competition/life
you’re rigid and easily thrown off when things don’t go as planned
you struggle to step-up to challenges
you’re highly critical of others and displace blame
you’re regularly overwhelmed, worried, or anxious
No judgment if any of these feel descriptive of you. Remember, we ALL have a shadow self, and because we’re innovative beings, we find creative ways to keep these parts of ourselves in the dark. But while doing this feels protective in the moment, doing this really does make you a less resilient athlete and human. Bringing our shadow-selves to the light requires three things:
Self-awareness
A willingness to let someone you trust in on your shadow self (coach, teammate, friend, therapist, parent, etc)
A willingness to act opposite to your impulse to protect against fear of failure, rejection, and judgment.
Let’s start with the self-awareness here:
The insecurities I have as an athlete/coach/(fill in an important role in your life here) are…
The way I mask these are by…
This mask protects me from experiencing…
But it also has negative impacts on my performance because it leads me to…
I fear that if I really let others in on this part of me it would mean… (Play out this catastrophe in your head). The likelihood of this actually happening is…
If what I fear really happened, I would cope with this by… And the person who could help me along the way is…
The skills, sport-specific and interpersonal, that I need to acquire to feel capable enough to de-mask are… And the people who might be able to help me with this are…
Getting at some of this can be hard and may feel foreign for many, but it can really benefit your mental health and performance. Reach out if you need support or want to dig a little deeper and build the skills necessary to bring your shadow side to light so you can finally perform to your potential.